I wanted to write this month. Don't get me wrong, I am aware this blog is an almost constant stream of my writing. But that's sort of the point, it is a kind of off the top of my head writing I am doing here with very little prep beyond deciding on a topic and riffing off of it. I know what you're going to say! I know this is no doubt shocking, as the blog seems so well planned and cohesive. But it's true!
The writing I am talking about is fiction, something I have struggled with for a long time. Even though I am able to express myself fairly well, I tend to fall apart when I am not relating my ideas and trying to tell a story. For whatever reason, when I try to create a story, I am never able to articulate the points properly. I get stuck in explaining and never tell the story. Rather, I describe the story.
Partly, I have trouble reading and writing on a computer screen. Something about the glare tires my eyes out, and I very quickly zone out as a result. Partly it is also the poor weather. Since I was looking to do some writing outside to avoid the computer problem, the consistently wet or cold or both weather has caused some major impediments. I have made some abortive attempts inside, but I also find it to be a dreary affair.
So to recap: I need perfect weather in which I can write outside, relative silence so I can focus, and ample time. I have all of these things in ample measure and have still not managed to make it happen, and the month is half over. I am reminded of a quote by Bukowski, in which he says there are no ideal conditions under which to create. If you have the drive and urge to make something, you will make something, regardless of when and where you are. The rest is just excuses. So I'm forced to ask myself: Do I really want to do it? Am I capable?
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